She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
