we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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