I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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