"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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