So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
