Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
