so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
