ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
