ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
