A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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