pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
