i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
