we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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