The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
