3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
