Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
