i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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