So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
