You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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