mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
