but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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