He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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