we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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