I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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