Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
