then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
