I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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