You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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