woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And then he peed in my hair
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