"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
