I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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