You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
