i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
