its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
