Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Mom said you looked used
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
