We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
