so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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