hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
