so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
