Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
