im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
