this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
