Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
