Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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