I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
