I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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