if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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