All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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