I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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