This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
