The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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