I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
