Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My vagina is very pro this idea
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