We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
