non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
